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New York Times bestselling author Suzy Spencer posted a simple online request: “Need to talk about sex…”
Suzy Spencer set out to investigate sex in America—to go beyond the talk and find out what people are really doing in their private (or not so private) lives. What she discovered online, at sex clubs, and elsewhere was truly eye-opening.
She started talking to men and women—from across America of all ages and sexual orientations—who make no apology for how they fire their imaginations and satisfy their desires. Soon she found herself invited to be a voyeur—listening in on phone sex, reading e-mails describing sexual encounters in graphic detail, and attending BDSM mixers and workshops. It was all astonishing… and enticing. At every turn she felt herself pulled deeper into people’s secret lives and began questioning her own choices about relationships and sex. Secret Sex Lives is an intimate account of a journalist who is seduced by her subject; a woman who sets out to look behind closed doors but ends up on a personal, revealing journey to find herself…
- Sales Rank: #807557 in eBooks
- Published on: 2012-10-02
- Released on: 2012-10-02
- Format: Kindle eBook
From Publishers Weekly
True crime writer Suzy Spencer (Wasted) tries a new subject in her latest book: alternative sexual lifestyles. While setting out to research other people's sex lives, Spencer ultimately turns her book into a memoir, chronicling her coming to terms with her own long-held views on sex—and her long-dormant libido. The interviews with swingers, dominatrices, cross-dressers, and more scattered throughout provide fascinating, human faces to the stereotypical leather, whips, and nonmainstream sexual practices. But while Spencer's personal journey ought to be interesting—someone of her sexual inexperience and Southern Baptist upbringing learning the most intimate details of others' kinky lifestyles—she fails to offer the strong personal anecdotes that would make the reader understand Spencer's background and her internal struggle about sex. As a result, her personal reactions to interviewees feel like unwelcome distractions from the juicier stuff. Short on research citations outside of her own interviews, and equally short on Spencer's own life and feelings, this sex book succeeds neither as a serious examination of sexual lifestyles nor as a memoir. (Oct.)
Review
Investigative journalist Spencer expands her own sexual boundaries through the exploration of others'.
"Worn out from all the tragedy" of a decade penning true crime books, Spencer (Wages of Sin, 2010) engagingly steers readers through the wonderful world of contemporary sexuality. The pensive, unmarried Texan considers herself sexually ignorant, doesn't particularly like to be touched (never has), and comes from a religious family who shunned the idea of crafting a memoir exploring the sex lives of random Americans. Surprisingly, the project transformed her from lonely, sexually timid 50-something into a woman budding with intimate possibilities. Posting a succession of inquisitive online personal ads probing responders' bedroom activities, Spencer unleashes a battalion of sexed-up soldiers eager to interact and share prurient and often tabooed sex-drenched adventures. Among her profiles are a few hypersexual females, a flirtatious adulterer half her age, horny swingers looking for "more on the side," a parade of randy bisexuals, phone-sex enthusiasts and a cross-dressing father of two. As Spencer exposes the flesh behind the fantasy, she incrementally reveals aspects of her own personal life, which frequently saves the text from dissolving into a blur of America's hot and bothered. Eventually, the book becomes a psychological science project, as the author experimented, challenged her beliefs, and arrived at epiphanies far different from her opening declaration that "it's a lot safer to laugh about sex than have sex."
Both a celebration of sexuality and, for the author, an embracive awakening to it. -- Kirkus Reviews
About the Author
Suzy Spencer is the author of four true crime books including Wasted, a New York Times bestseller, and Breaking Point, the story of Andrea Yates. She holds a master's of professional writing and a master's of business adminstration, both from the University of Southern California.
Most helpful customer reviews
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
A :"RESEARCH" BOOK WITH A NAIL BITING CLIMAX! Suzy Spencer shows the intensity of her talent in this one-of-a-kind SEX study.
By Legendary Burl Barer
Spencer deserves a special award for this brilliant, insightful and remarkable vision quest in which her loyalty and commitment to "journalistic detachment" is gradually peeled away, clearly revealing her self-inflicted numbness as professionally justified emotional distancing from her own intrinsic and, if i may say so, loveable reality.
SECRET SEX LIVES is a fascinating peek into the diverse manifestations of our human need to connect with others in ways both tangible and metaphoric.
What begins for Spencer as a cross country excercise in questons, answers and non judgemental voyuerism becomes an emotional, highly charged encounter between self, soul and superstition. Who would ever think that a book such as this would have a nail biting climax?.
Interpret that however you please. I cannot reccommend this book highly enough -- it is a valuable contribution to understanding and accepting the diversity of consentual proclivities, yet, for me, the true power and beauty of this book is Spencer's talent and personal integrity.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Three Stars
By Bill Mickel
Meh.
13 of 14 people found the following review helpful.
A touching and poignant journey
By Rebecca
I purchased and read "Secret Sex Lives: A Year on the Fringes of American Sexuality" half expecting it to be a somewhat clinical accounting of alternative sex practices in America, with perhaps some tabloid style shock value thrown in. What I found instead was a well written and riveting account of several people's journey of self discovery and exploration into their own sexuality, which at its core is actually more about acceptance and intimacy than the sex act itself.
The compassion and empathy that the author feels for her sources comes through as they share their stories with her one by one and she finds herself questioning her own choices and past relationships. The honesty and openness with which the author approaches this subject and in turn discusses her own struggles was refreshing and poignant, and I found the book and the people in it lingering with me long after I finished reading it.
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